


last train home

by arcanine



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Actual Years of Pining, F/F, Getting Together, Post-Canon, Some angst, canon compliant (I think)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 08:29:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10240319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arcanine/pseuds/arcanine
Summary: Maki’s knows she has feelings forNicoof all people - feelings that twist in her stomach like butterflies, feelings that make her more nervous than that first daunting step out onto a brightly lit stage ever could, tiring textbook teenage feelings that she always just assumed she'd grow out of.But Nico’s brave and self-assured and (mostly) honest. She's always ready to tell the world exactly what she thinks. So if there was a chance - the smallest glimmer of something - if she had time in her insanely busy schedule to even consider it, then surely,surely, she’d say something.[She's always rushing for the last train home]





	

**Author's Note:**

> here’s another fic I started before time itself and finally found the strength to finish! it weirdly took about the same time and ended up around the same length as the last one I posted?? anyway please forgive me any inaccuracies...

**5.**

Maki’s studying in the corner of the Idol Research Club room when it happens. It’s one of those dull, grey days that drags on and on, where it’s far too cold and damp for rooftop rehearsals, and Maki’s there as more of a formality than a necessity - mildly observing as Rin and Hanayo distract some of the younger girls by helping them with their lyrics (after all, they _are_ the third years now). She's just about to give up on her homework and sneak off and play piano in the music room or maybe go home and take a nice long bath when the door swings open and Rin flings herself out of her seat.

“Nico-chaaaaan!” she yells.

Maki’s heart stops for a good few seconds.

It’s beating again, fast and embarrassing, when she finally allows herself to glance up from her book for confirmation.

It really is Nico.

She hasn't changed much. She still looks like a little kid with her usual hairstyle and her fluffy winter coat. She’s grinning as Rin clings to her arm and Hanayo bounces beside her and every member of every new idol unit that's formed at Otonokizaka since μ’s disbanded stares in awe, because _of course_ they know who Nico is.

Maki drags her fingers through her hair and looks swiftly back down at her book. It’s not like she's being purposely obtuse. She’s just needs a moment to consider the best way to proceed. She's long since become practiced at adjusting to people leaving. She's never quite learned how to react when they come back.

“Maki,” Nico says, sharply. “It’s rude to ignore people.”

Maki looks up and their eyes meet. A rush of warmth sparks in her chest.

People look different than they do in memories. The human brain is fickle - lines blur, details fade - and yet Nico’s exactly as Maki remembered, with her hands on her hips and that little pout that used to drive her nuts. She’s so much more than she remembered too - sharper and brighter and so much more real.

Maki stands. She’s never taken issue with being in front of an audience. She was six years old the first time she played piano at one of her parents' parties, and of course she’s been involved in numerous live performances since then. But somehow, the way everyone in the room is watching her, like they’re unnecessarily interested in her reaction, makes her want to melt into the floor and disappear, or maybe take Nico by the hand and lead her somewhere private and greet her without the entire Idol Research Club passing judgement on her actions.

Since neither of these scenarios seem particularly realistic, Maki does the only thing she can - she smiles.

It starts out small and hesitant, but soon she can't help herself and it stretches, wide and embarrassing across her face, until she's sure she must be nothing more than pink cheeks and white teeth.

Nico grins back and strikes a pose. It’s terrible and ridiculous and yeah, okay, a _tiny_ bit cute. Her stomach flutters. She hates herself for it.

“Welcome back,” she says, “Nico-chan.”

***

The four of them go for crepes, after Nico’s done greeting the newer members and offering them advice and even signing a few autographs. ( _Honestly_. Like her ego needs inflating.) Maki’s sure her parents would disapprove, but she can easily catch up on a few missed hours of prep school. They stand together on the train, Rin and Hanayo hanging onto every word as Nico brags about her local performances and her rapidly increasing online following and that one time she totally appeared as an extra in an actual TV drama.

They exit the station in a rush of people. Rin and Hanayo link arms and charge towards the promise of food. Maki trails behind.

Nico waits for her.

“You’re quiet today,” Nico says, as they fall into step together, “Stunned speechless because Nico’s so much cuter than you remembered?”

“Gross,” Maki scoffs, “No way." And it's kind of messed up, the way she feels a warm rush of familiarity when Nico glares at her.

There’s a tiny bit of truth to Nico's teasing. (Miniscule. _Microscopic._ ) Mostly, Maki’s just worried that she might say something scary and honest like _I missed you._ The truth is, she’s not so sure where they stand without a common goal to charge towards. She's never been quite sure of what to say in the soft lull when they’re not passionately disagreeing.

“So what’s new with you, anyway? You’re still doing the music thing, right?”

“When I find time,” Maki shrugs. “I’m pretty busy studying.”

Outside of school activities, she spends most of her free time at the most prestigious prep school her parents could buy her into. She’s right on track to fulfil the role they’ve had set out for her since before she was born, all minor musical deviations pushed neatly aside.

Nico makes a yuck face.

“Look, I know you’ve got an oversized brain and everything, but you’ve also got an amazing voice so don’t just waste it prescribing cold medicine, okay?”

“Huh?” Maki replies, eloquently.

“I’m a high school graduate now, _and_ your senior, so take some advice from the great Nico-ni and... and just don’t forget about the music, okay? You’re way too good for that. Just, like, sing someone a song as you save their life or something?”

Maki tries to imagine herself as the director of the Nishikino hospital, performing one of their old routines in a sparkly stage outfit and a lab coat. Yeah. Not gonna happen.

“Do only come back here to give out advice and act like you know everything?”

“It is my duty, you know. I have to make sure you’re upholding the extremely high standards of the legendary Idol Research Club.  Besides, _someone_ has to look after the three of you. You’re still tiny baby first years to me.”

Maki smirks. “It’s funny,” she says, “Because you still look like a tiny baby to me too.”

Nico gasps and nudges Maki sideways with a shoulder barge that packs way more power than anyone should reasonably expect from someone barely five foot tall, enough that Maki stumbles sideways into a serious looking man in a suit. Nico snorts with with a disturbing lack of subtlety as Maki bows and splutters out an apology. The man walks away muttering about unruly high school girls.

When she turns back Rin and Hanayo are waiting. And giggling. ( _So_ annoying.)

“You two never change,” Hanayo chirps.

Maki flushes. She was thoroughly mistaken. She didn’t miss Nico at all.

“Everyone needs to hurry up,” Rin exclaims, in her very loudest outside voice. “It’s time to go take pictures!”

She grabs hold of Hanayo and Nico’s wrists and tugs. Nico reaches back for Maki. (Her hand is cold. Her grip is strong.) They stumble into the arcade in an uncomfortable mess of tangled limbs. They’re posed similarly when they make it inside, the four of them crushed inside one small booth. Hanayo’s head isn't in the picture and Rin’s making weird purring noises and Nico’s uncomfortably close. Maki complains loudly about all of these things.

But truthfully, it's the most fun she’s had in a long time.

She smiles so hard her cheeks ache.

***

The crepes are cheap and overly sweet, but they’re cute enough to make Nico coo in delight (and protest in disgust when Maki orders hers filled with crab and tomato.) They’re all full of sugar and happily window shopping and everything’s going perfectly well, and then Rin and Hanayo decide to make it _weird._ Hanayo announces her mother’s expecting her home at the exact same time Rin that yells that she has homework and - in a dramatic performance that could only be rivalled by the most ridiculous of comedy duos - they link arms and shuffle off into the sunset, sharing a series of entirely un-subtle nudges and winks.

It’s irritatingly suspicious.

Maki’s going to find out what they’re up to as soon as she gets home.

But right now she has more important things to consider. Like being left alone with Nico.

It’s not a new situation. It’s just shopping with a friend. Maki partakes in this kind of activity quite often these days. Nico’s entirely predictable, taking endless photos and fawning over cute things and asking why they didn’t hire _her_ to model the clothes because she’d look so great in this style, don’t you think?

So why does Maki feel so weird?

Why does her mouth feel so dry?

She tugs self-consciously at her skirt, wishing she’d had the chance to wear something more sophisticated than her school uniform and a thick plaid scarf.

She never thought she'd feel young standing next to _Nico,_ who even now looks fourteen, at best, but it has been close to two years since she graduated. Maki’s seen pictures of her, posing with cute girls with perfect makeup, with her arms looped around supposedly up-and-coming talent acts. Maybe Maki seems like a kid to her now, just a boring reminder of the past she left behind.

Maybe that’s why they don’t talk as often as they used to.

“This is so cute,” Nico coos. She holds up a pink shirt with a soft white collar and pouts at herself in the mirror. “It’d look so good on me, right?”

Maki wants to laugh. She’s clearly overthinking everything. However much time passes, Nico’s still just… Nico.

“You should get it,” Maki nods. “It’d suit you.”

Nico flips the price tag over. Her face drops.

“Thinking about it, I already have at least three that are similar. No need to be greedy, right?” Nico laughs, but it rings out fake.

Maki takes it from her. Before she can even think about it, she’s marching over to the cash register and smiling at the cute sales assistant.

“What are you doing?” Nico hisses.

“I’m buying this,” Maki shrugs.

“Stop it,” says Nico, and the girl behind the counter hesitates. “I don’t need your rich girl charity.”

“It’s not charity,” says Maki, “It’s a gift. It wouldn’t suit me, so you might as well have it.”

“I’m sorry,” says the terribly confused looking sales assistant. “Do you want this?”

“No,” says Nico, with her hands on her hips.

“Yes,” smiles Maki, sliding a 10,000 yen note onto the counter. “Please.”

But when she tries to hand over the bag outside, Nico refuses.

“It's a gift,” Maki says. “Just take it.”

Nico shakes her head.

“This is too much. Just send Nico some fan mail like everyone else, okay?”

“Nico-chan,” Maki grumbles. “What else am I going to with this?”

“Consider it fashion advice,” Nico winks. “Maki looks cute in pink.”

Maki’s entirely positive that particular shade of pink would be completely unflattering against her skin tone and that Nico, with her extensive knowledge of all things fashionable, must know this. She’s also pretty sure her bust would never fit into anything sized extra small. She sighs. Maki would pay good money for a textbook that would provide her with some insight as to what exactly it is about Nico that makes her behave like such an idiot.

She plans to sulk all the way back to the train station, to prove how unreasonable Nico’s being.

Things don’t exactly go to plan.

The problem is, Nico’s funny today- charming, almost - and she always was so much more tolerable in the softer moments, without a crowd to play up to. When she laughs, it’s kind of hard to look away, but then Nico always did shine brightest when she wasn’t trying.

It’s nice just to walk together like old times, occasionally bumping shoulders and hands, like that weird magnetism they could never quite shake off is out in full force.

Maki's utterly disappointed when she looks up and realises that they're standing outside the train station.

They linger outside the entrance. It’s already starting to get dark. Something about the thought of going home to a huge empty house makes Maki’s chest ache, though of course she does that most days without a thought.

“You could just wait for my driver. We can drop you off, you know.”

Nico hmphs. “I’m a busy girl, Maki. I don’t have time to sit in traffic.”

Maki frowns at her, unconvinced. If there’s one thing she didn’t miss about Nico it’s how stubborn she is, how determined she is to do everything on her own.

“You could ride the train back with me. We’re mostly heading in the same direction?”

Maki bites her lip. “I've already asked to be picked up. I can't just cancel _._ ”

And so that’s it, a stalemate, and there's no choice but to part ways.

“Well…” Nico says, “Then guess I’ll see you next time?”

“Yeah,” says Maki. “We’ll work something out.”

“Though you’ll probably see my pictures before that, right?”

“Probably not,” says Maki, evasively. “I mean, I don’t go online that much.”

Nico hums, unconvinced.

Maki freezes.

It’s not like she’s looked at her profiles much. It was mostly that one time, and there's no way Nico could know about that, right? It’s not like she has time to check up on her often or anything.

“W-Well,” Maki says, glancing at her phone, “Looks like my driver’s here so...”

She hugs Nico as a distraction. (Because she wants to.)

It's just a regular, friendly hug. She's hugged each and every member of μ’s multiple times, but her heart didn’t thud this hard against her chest when Rin had hugged her goodbye earlier. But she sees Rin all the time so it's probably just that. It's just context.

Maki wants to ask when they’ll meet again.

Her whole body is heavy with the weight of her own silence.

And all she can say is, “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

 

 

**4.**

It's a hot and unreasonably sticky morning in Maki's first summer as a college student. She's shuffling home from an all-nighter at the library, squinting at the sun and dodging the morning rush outside the station, when someone slams right into her and shocks her out of her daze.

There's an almighty shriek.

Maki leaps back, scowling with all the grace of someone who hasn't slept properly in days.

“Geez,” she sneers. “Watch where you're - _Nico-chan?!”_

Maki blinks several times to check she’s not experiencing a rare bout of fatigue-induced hallucinations, but it's definitely the same Nico she spent a good proportion of her high school life thinking about in one way or another. The same Nico that she hasn't seen in months.

Her eyes are red and angry. They soften in recognition, widen in shock.

“Maki?” she squeaks.

They hover for a long moment, just staring at each other in disbelief, and then they both step forward and they're hugging and most likely aggravating the endless commuters by blocking the limited space outside the station.

When she steps back, Maki notices how nice Nico looks with her shiny pink lip gloss and her wavy hair and oh - _oh_ \- half the contents of her iced coffee spilled on the front of her white blouse.

“Nico-chan,” Maki says. “Y-Your shirt-”

Nico looks down and gasps. “Ugh, are you kidding me? I have a meeting in like half an hour. Is it really bad? Is it totally ruined?”

Maki glances down. Her gaze lingers. (Because she’s tired. Because her reaction times are impaired.) She grimaces.

“Yeah,” says. “It looks terrible. But I live close by. I’ll let you borrow something.”

“That would be amazing and you'd totally be saving Nico’s life,” Nico beams, her arms tangling around Maki’s. “How are you, by the way? Of all the people I could've crashed into, I'd never have thought it'd be _you_. Did you plan this? It almost seems too suspicious to be real _-_ ”

***

“Whoaaa,” Nico gasps, when she’s kicked off her wedge sandals in the entranceway. “Maki’s place is almost as big as Nico’s~”

Maki feels herself blush as Nico’s eyes sweep the room. She wonders how boring her life looks from the outside - the textbooks and notebooks with neatly written formulas, the remains of her convenience store dinner still laid out on the counter beside a colour coordinated selection of unwashed coffee cups.

“It’s not much,” Maki says.

And really, it’s not. Of course, her parents had provided her with a private apartment with chic minimalist decor and expensive furniture and a large bed and more space than anyone could reasonably expect living in Tokyo, close to both her university’s campus and the hospital where she’ll likely do her residency… but after growing up with a four poster bed and a library and several music rooms, with a modest sized swimming pool and a whole team of household staff, it kind of feels just a little bit...  basic. Maki never _dreamed_ that a single room would one day function as her bedroom, study, kitchen and parlour all in one, but of course she’s gotten used to it. (Though she still thinks there’s something wrong having her bed in proximity to her kitchen. What kind of inhumane person invented studio apartments, anyway?)

“Huh,” Nico says. “No piano.”

“There’s hardly room,” Maki says, briskly. “My parents don't think it's a priority.”

“So what, you don’t play anymore?” Nico’s voice is sharp. It makes Maki wince.

“There's my digital one,” Maki says, gesturing at where it’s packed neatly away.  “Not the same, but I play my own when I visit my parents.” Nico's frown gets deeper. “I brought my flute," she adds weakly.

Nico hands are planted firmly on her hips. “That’s not good enough.”

Maki doesn't have the energy to protest. She actually agrees. She gets it so often - the itch in her fingers, the desperate need to play something. Playing on plastic keys feels so cheap and unexpressive, like trying to perform a live show using a tin can instead of a microphone. Piano used to be the only thing that stopped her being too restless to sleep. It probably explains why she's always so tired these days.

“It’s not like it can be helped,” Maki says. “A-Anyway, don’t you have your meeting? Help yourself to whatever.”

Maki gestures weakly at her closet.

Nico narrows her eyes, but she take step towards it.

Maki hangs back and glances at herself in the mirror. She looks exhausted. Her back feels clammy. The humidity has done unspeakable things to her hair. She drags her fingers through it, but that only makes matters worse, so she ties it back out of her face. She usually dresses so much better. Why do these things never happen on days when she's actually prepared?

Her closet door creaks.

“Oh my god,” Nico squeaks. “You have some of your μ’s costumes in here?”  

“T-There was nowhere else for them.”

“Sure,” she hears Nico mutter. “It’s not like your parents own fifteen houses.”

“It's not that many,” Maki says, defensively.

Nico hums. “Maki’s style is pretty, but it’s also kind of serious.”

“Yeah,” Maki says. “I guess.”

Maki hears the rustle of clothing and she hears Nico muttering about designer brands and expensive tastes and she counts the textbooks on her shelf as as a much needed distraction, willing her brain not to consider Nico with less clothes, Nico in _her_ clothes -

“Maki! I’m in a hurry and I have places to be, so get over here and help me pick!”

Maki’s fully aware of the circumstances, yet she’s somehow still surprised when she looks over and finds Nico standing directly in front of her closet in just a white lace bra with several bows and a tiny pair of shorts.

It's nothing new really. How many times have they rushed costume changes together backstage? How many times has she seen Nico striking poses in overly revealing stage costumes or parading along the beach in a disturbingly frilly swimsuit...

But all those times before, she'd been able to function like a normal person.

Now she thinks it must been written all over her face, how gross and desperate she is, the way her heart still betrays her with that familiar ache that she can never quite put into words.

God, Nico makes her weird.

Maki moves so she’s standing close. Their arms brush, the lightest shiver of a touch, as Maki reaches into her closet.

“Here,” she says.

Nico's eyes widen as she pulls out the pink shirt with the soft white collar. Maki had only taken a selection of her clothes from her parent’s house to her new apartment, but she’d just happened to bring this.

“Ohhhh,” Nico says. “I’d forgotten all about this! The tags are still on too? Geez, it must be such an easy life being rich.”

Maki had thought about sending it over, but in the end, she’d been too busy. In the end, she hadn't been brave enough.

“It was always yours anyway,” Maki says.

Nico hesitates, mouth twisted in a frown.

“Consider it an early birthday present or something. Geez, just take it already.”

“Well,” Nico says, “I guess I don't have a choice…”

It feels weirdly invasive to watch Nico get dressed, so Maki averts her eyes until it’s safe to look, a thick strand of hair twisted tightly between her fingers.

“Ahhhh, this is perfect!” Nico beams and twirls in front of the mirror. It looks cute. Of course it does. “Quick, get a picture with me!”

Maki complies reluctantly, praying Nico will at least use a fancy filter to disguise the fact that she’s not exactly looking her best.

“Add more sparkles,” Maki insists, as she stares at the result. She presses on the screen and drags some stars over her face.

“Someone needs to watch my beauty videos and follow the advice about proper hydration and getting enough sleep,” Nico sing-songs.

Maki huffs when Nico drags the sparkle away so Maki’s face is visible again.

“Seriously,” Nico says, “Take care of yourself.”

“I _do_ ,” Maki insists. Nico raises her eyebrows.“I’m not a little kid, you know.”

“Yeah,” Nico says, “But out of everyone you’re probably the least capable of taking care of yourself.”

“Hey! I'm way more responsible than some of the others-”

“You're practically a  _princess_. You've never had to cook or clean in your life. I’m actually super surprised your place isn’t a total disaster.”

Maki bites her lip. She doesn’t mention their family housekeeper, who keeps dropping in. _Just to visit_ , she insists, as she drops off meals from their chef and whips out the vacuum cleaner.

“I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself,” she insists.

“ _Sure_ ,” says Nico, in a patronising tone. “You're also waaaay too prone to overworking yourself and, like, no offense, but you don't exactly go out of your way to have fun-”

“I have fun,” Maki says, defensively.

Maki has a bookcase crammed full of pristine paperbacks, enough bubble bath and scented candles to last a whole year, a whole balcony for stargazing _and_ a stylistically varied collection of both jazz and classical music, thank you.

“Do you?” Nico asks. “Does anything come close to how things used to be? Does anything make you as happy as µ's did back then?”

Maki takes a step back. That’s not fair.

“Of course it doesn't,” she says quietly. ”But not everyone who has fun being a school idol gets to follow that dream in the real world.”

“Okaaay,” says Nico, “And why not?”

“Because it's not that easy. Some of us actually have responsibilities-”

“Like I don’t? Like I don’t have a family who relies on me too?”

She doesn't miss the flash of hurt on Nico’s face.

“Wait,” says Maki, with a frustrated little growl, “I didn’t mean-”

“I have to go,” Nico says, flatly.

Maki needs to sleep for three days straight and to stop saying everything wrong. Being around Nico is so unfair. It makes her chest ache for all the things she used to want - music, freedom, her friends, _Nico_ -

She’s far too exhausted to even contemplate the statistical probability of bumping into each other like this again, but she’s sure the odds are extremely unlikely. The chance of something like this even happening in the first place is ridiculously low, outside of the painfully optimistic thoughts Maki occasionally allows herself late at the night, where all nine members of μ’s forget all about the demands of real life and just exist together, the way they used to...

Maki’s never believed in nonsense like fate, but sometimes life gives you opportunities you can’t possibly ignore. If she knows one thing, it’s that she can’t stand to wait until the next Nico just happens to come crashing head first into her life.

“Nico-chan,” Maki says. She’s surprised her voice is even audible over the pounding of her own heart. “I-”

The whole room fills with an ear-splitting chorus of _Nico-Nico-Ni_ s.

Nico’s answers her phone in record time.

“Hello?” Nico answers. “Yep yep, I’m _super_ close-”

She mouths “call me” at Maki as she steps back into her shoes. She smiles and blows a kiss. And then she’s gone.

 

 

 **3**.

The next time, they’re all there. The date of their next µ's meet had changed so many times to fit around all of their clashing schedules that Maki had just zoned out of the group chat and waited for someone to tell her when to turn up.

They’d settled on a date eventually - after Christmas, before New Year - on an evening that turns out to be so cold that Maki’s teeth are actually chattering as she makes her way to the restaurant, even in her best boots and her thickest wool coat. She’s more dressed up than usual - her new favourite skirt, the expensive perfume her mama just gave her, her thick hair curled and held in place with a couple of tiny gold hair clips - and she looks really good, if she says so herself.

She’s also late.

She'd decided to take the train, which had seemed like such a great idea, but Maki’s always unpleasantly surprised by how long public transport actually _takes,_ all that waiting around and fighting for the luxury of spending twenty three minutes pressed worryingly close to a balding man with terrible personal hygiene…

So she's the last to arrive, even later those µ’s members that are well known for their questionably poor timekeeping. It's embarrassing, walking in all alone. She wishes she’d messaged Rin or Hanayo to meet her outside first.

Maki’s hit with a rush of warmth when she steps into the restaurant, and it’s not just because they’ve got the heaters blasting on full. It’s because she spots them right away, the best friends she’s ever had, a mess of bright colours spread across a long table at the back of the restaurant.

Honoka spots her first. She bursts into a beam and leaps to her feet and Maki hovers by the edge of the table as a stampede of pretty, nice-smelling girls descend on her all at once, like she’s the star of some weird gay fantasy. (Not that Maki’s ever had one of those.)

There's an elbow in her ribs and her face is dangerously close to getting lost in Nozomi’s cleavage and it’s way too warm and someone definitely just messed up her hair and Maki makes several weak protests about all of these issues, but mostly she’s so happy that she has to make a conscious effort not to cry, because that would definitely spoil her makeup. They stay crushed in a group hug until their waiter meekly asks them to stop blocking the walkway.

Maki ends up on the edge of the table, next to Hanayo and opposite Eli, who’s next to Nozomi, who’s next to Nico... not that Maki takes any particular interest in this matter - they’ve already greeted each other, and it’s not like she particularly wanted to sit near to her. Her red dress is covered in stupid tiny reindeers. Her hair is pretty. (Nico is pretty.)

Nico glances up and catches Maki staring and their gaze locks for approximately half a second and then Maki’s studying her menu intently and kind of hating herself, because things would be so much easier things if she was more like everyone else. If she wasn’t so awkward. If she could just _smile._

There’s some debate about how much food to order. (“Six baskets of bread is _far_ too many,” Umi insists.) They end up with way more food than nine people can feasibly eat. (“We deserve it!” Honoka chirps.) Maki had forgotten how noisy everyone is. She always forgets how nice it feels, to be part of something so warm and chaotic and lively, with so many conversations happening all at once. She socialises with other people of course - she studies with her classmates and sometimes they get coffee or even go for drinks, and of course her parents are constantly introducing her to useful contacts. There are a whole range of people that she finds tolerable, if she’s honest.

But nothing will ever compare to µ's, to the way they’d drawn Maki in when all she'd ever known is how to linger on the edges, the way they’d warmed her like sunshine - bright and blinding and hot on her face, even on days she'd wanted to sit alone in the shade with a book and a barricade to keep out the world.

She's bad at expressing her gratitude. It's not like she can just blurt out something like that (way too embarrassing). She’d tried, when she was still a first year and everything was ending. She’d spent way too long hunched over the piano in the music room, trying desperately to compose something that could convey her feelings as their last moments as µ’s crept nearer. She’d come up with exactly nothing except a headache and a trashcan full of screwed up sheet music. She’d been just about ready to flop forward onto the piano and cry.

And then Nico, of all people, had found her. Maki had expected a lecture, but Nico had dropped down beside her on the piano stool and wrapped her arms around her and said nothing, and _then_ Maki had cried - ugly mascara-smeared-on-Nico’s-shoulder tears and Nico had just held her, fingers soothing down her back and through her hair, the way Maki remembers thinking she must comfort her siblings after a nightmare.

“You don’t have to try so hard, you know,” Nico had said.

And then she’d handed Maki a tissue and called her a crybaby and led her out of the music room, while Maki had sniffed and dragged her heels like an embarrassing little kid.

And she'd walked out onto the roof, and squinted at the brightness of the sun, and she’d fallen into a messy, chaotic group hug, with the people who taught her how to love more than she ever thought she was capable of, and she hadn't needed some grand melodic gesture - all she’d needed, all μ’s had ever asked of her, was to give it her all and to be herself.

***

Maki’s finishing off her food and having a perfectly pleasant conversation with Hanayo when she hears someone say her name. She glances up, Nozomi and Nico are both staring at her with matching grins stretched across their faces.

It’s honestly kind of terrifying.

“What?” Maki asks.

“Nothing,” Nico sing-songs.

“Who can say,” Nozomi trills.

Maki glares in their direction. “What is it?” she asks, more forcefully.

Nozomi grins wider. “Nicocchi was just saying that your boobs have grown since high school.”

“What? I was not!” Nico’s eyes dart down. They narrow. “Though, now that you mention it...”

“They haven’t, though if they had, that would be perfectly natural and-” Maki folds her arms tightly over her chest. “Stop staring!”

Nico flops down head first onto the table, only narrowly missing dipping her hair in her leftovers.

“Life is so cruel,” she whines. “Even Maki got a growth spurt, and hers weren’t even small to begin with.”

“There, there,” Nozomi says, patting her head. “If you ask nicely maybe Maki-chan will be let you touch hers-”

Maki stands so abruptly that her chair almost falls backwards.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” she announces.

And she’s ready to make a powerful departure from the table, so it’s perfectly clear that any further discussions of her breasts and Nico’s hands are completely off limits, only Rin announces she’s coming, and then Kotori, and then Honoka, and so Maki ends up leaving the table less dramatic and powerful and more like a mother duck leading her tiny children to safety. (How annoying.)

She fastens an extra button on her shirt while she's gone anyway. Sometimes small statements are all it takes.

When she returns, the empty plates have been replaced with more drinks and Nozomi’s in her seat. Maki shoots her a questioning look, but Nozomi just smiles sweetly. Maki hesitates for a long moment, then she slides into the spare seat next to Nico.

“Hey,” Maki says.

Nico carries on gazing at Kotori, listening to her talk about travelling.

“ _Hey_ ,” Maki says, a little more forcefully.

Nico turns and fake gasps.

“ _Oh_ ,” she says. “It’s Maki. I didn’t even notice you were here since you’ve been ignoring me all night.”

Maki rolls her eyes. “We just talked a few minutes ago.”

“You stormed off when Nico was just being supportive and full of compliments.”

Maki sighs. “You were being weird. And… I wasn’t ignoring you. That’s kind of impossible, you know?”

Nico’s eyes go all big and sparkly, like Maki’s just gone and declared that she’s the queen of the universe.

“Ahhhh,” Nico says. “I get it.”

Maki swallows. She’s so obvious. Nico _knows._

“I should be more sympathetic. I mean, you’ve always been a little shy, and these days it’s even harder to look me in the eye since I’ve blossomed into such an elegant beauty-”

“Nozomi,” Maki calls out. “I want my seat back.”

Nozomi giggles and shakes her head.

Nico wraps her hands around Maki’s arm and squeezes.

“Don’t try give away the best seat on the table,” she says. There’s an alarming layer of menace underneath the saccharine sweetness.

Maki tugs her arm back and takes a big sip of the drink in front of her. She crinkles her nose. It’s definitely not what she ordered - it’s alcoholic, if the sharp taste is anything to go by, and it’s not particularly enjoyable.

“Maki looks cute tonight,” Nico says. “Your hair’s pretty.”

She tugs on a curl. It bounces when she lets go. Maki takes another long gulp of the mystery drink.

“Right?” she says, “I mean, thanks,” she says. “I mean… your makeup is nice.”

“Adorable, right?” Nico winks. “Sparkles for Christmas! Wanna try the lipstick? It was a free sample and even though it looks super cute on me, when I first saw it I was like, whoa, this is totally Maki’s colour.”

She pulls it from her bag and uncaps it. It’s definitely more Nico’s colour - just red enough to make her eyes glow all pretty and iridescent.

“Thanks, but I don't have a mirror, so...”

“Nico will do it for you. Like old times.”

“When did we ever do this before?”

“Shhhh,” Nico says.

And Maki’s heart almost stops when Nico leans in close, although she’s fully aware of the perfectly innocent context. Nico frowns as she tilts Maki’s chin into position with her small, soft fingers. Maki’s certain she’s not currently at risk for any cardiovascular health problems, but her uncomfortably rapid heart rate suggests she might soon well be.

“Stay still,” Nico tells her, sharply.

Maki complies reluctantly.

The others are quieter now. She can feel them watching.

“Your face looks stupid when you concentrate,” Maki says.

“Shut up. Unless you want lipstick right here.”

Nico flicks her nose. Maki huffs loudly.

She hears someone giggle, and a murmured comment about how they never change. How completely mortifying.

Maki tenses as Nico tilts her chin again. This is terrible. This is torture.

“This is _perfect_ ,” Nico beams, what feels hours later. “I knew it’d suit you!”

Nico lingers close for just a moment too long. Her smug smile fades to something softer.

Someone clears their throat loudly.

Nico laughs and leans back and whips out her phone and the smile is gone, replaced with a tight grin that’s just a little bit forced around the edges.

“Here,” she says. “Smile! Nico Nico Ni~”

Maki holds up her hand to match Nico's signature pose. It’s a cute picture. Maki wonders if her heart rate will return to normal now that Nico’s a safe distance away, or if that photograph will be the last evidence of her life on this planet before she promptly collapses onto the table from the sheer embarrassment of it all.

Nico empties out the contents of her tiny bag, scattering makeup everywhere.

She grins. “Who’s next for a Nico-Nico makeover?”

Rin leans across the table in her garish cat-in-a-santa-hat sweater and insists Maki swaps seats with her.

Maki’s lips feel sticky as she pouts down at the table.

***

Of course they do karaoke. They hire a great big room for the nine of them and order drinks and dim the lights. They start off with the usual - score challenges for old time’s sake - and then Honoka types in µ's and they all start yelling because a bunch of their old songs pop up and that's kind of a big deal - they're karaoke famous! They queue up exactly all of them and sing their own parts, passing microphones between them because there aren’t enough to go around. They stumble through their choreography, avoiding tables and sofas the best they can.

It’s magic.

When the last song fades, Maki's out of breath and standing on a sofa, posed between Rin and Hanayo.

No one moves. No one dares to say anything.

The next song plays automatically - some ridiculous English song about the colour blue. Honoka leaps over and grabs a microphone and starts singing. Her pronunciation needs work. Kotori joins in too, throwing in a few cute dance moves.

Maki steps down from the sofa and sinks down onto it instead, her eyes fixed on the wall, fierce and unblinking because there’s no time to waste being sentimental, especially not with such an unreasonably poor soundtrack to accompany her thoughts. It’s unfair, though, that other people can just come here and sing the songs she’d written for her friends, _with_ her friends. A lump forms in her throat, thick and overwhelming.

Someone sits down beside her. Maki glances up. Nico's eyes are bright, even in the dark.

“This is so fun, right?” Nico says. “Being all together like this?”

Her voice is high and cheerful. Maki sees through it in a second. She moves her hand to cover Nico’s, softly and unsure. Nico links their fingers together and squeezes. They don't say anything, don’t move for pretty much the whole song, even when some of the others start dancing along and leaning over the screen to queue up the next songs. Nico’s thumb is soft and impossibly distracting as it brushes over Maki's hand. Maki’s extremely grateful that it's dark.

The song fades out. Nico leaps up and insists that it must be time for her solo.

Maki misses the warmth of her hand.

***

They leave when their time’s up, when the drinks have run out and their voices start to rasp. It’s dark outside, and even colder than it was before. They separate in small groups - it’s easier to do quick hugs and brief goodbyes than to deal with how tough it is to dramatically part ways all at once.

Maki breaks tradition and hangs back with the third years (though, they haven’t been third years for a long time, she supposes). Rin and Hanayo are travelling back in the opposite direction, plus it’s not like she has anything but an empty apartment to rush back to anyway.

Nico links one arm through Maki’s and the other through Eli’s.

“I always knew BiBi were the strongest,” she says. “So, where are we going next?”

“I’m still here, you know,” Nozomi calls out from behind them. “And it’s time for me to steal Elicchi away.”

Nico protests loudly, and there's a certain level of bribery required before she allows them both to leave. There’s more hugging (Maki’s pretty sure she hasn’t been hugged this much all year) and then Nozomi murmurs “good luck” right by her ear, in this soft voice that kind of creeps her out.

And then it’s just the two of them. _Again._ Why are Maki’s friends all so insistent on leaving her alone with Nico?

“They’re all weak,” Nico grumbles. “Though I never thought _you’d_ be the party animal that stayed out latest with me.”

She laughs, or maybe shivers? It’s kind of hard to tell.

“Yeah, you seem super up for partying,” Maki says, flatly. “I can hear your teeth chattering.”

“Don’t,” Nico says, _“_ Don’t even think about the cold. See, this is fine. Here, I’ll keep your hands warm.”

Maki’s not sure it helps much when Nico clasps their hands together (they _are_ both wearing gloves) but she doesn’t protest against it either.

They start to walk.

Maki’s pretty sure it’d ruin the moment to ask where they’re going, so she doesn’t. She just lets herself be led away from the crowds and the busy streets. It’s nice. Nostalgic, almost. Kind of reminiscent of that time with the summer festival and the fireworks where they’re walked around for what felt like hours with their clammy hands clasped together.

It’s Maki that stops walking first when they turn onto a pretty street lined with rows and rows of trees, all of them illuminated with tiny twinkling Christmas lights.

“What are you doing?” Nico asks. “We need to keep moving or we’re going to die. It’s _super_ cold.”

“Look,” Maki points up to the sky. “It’s starting to snow.”

Nico looks up and her whole face lights up.

“Whoaaaa,” she says. “It’s so pretty.”

“Yeah,” Maki smiles. “Winter really is beautiful.”

She lets go of Nico’s hand and steps back, so she’s leaning on an ice cold wall outside a closed bakery. It may be literally freezing, but she's perfectly content to just stare up at the sky and to try catch snowflakes in her hands the way she always used to when she was a kid.

“I love snow,” Maki says, “But I wish you could still see the stars.”

“I guess you’ll have to settle for just seeing one,” Nico winks, hopping up onto the wall beside her.

“Do you have to ruin everything?” Maki asks. Her voice is soft and unreasonably affectionate. She's not even fooling herself.

“Stop lying to yourself,” Nico says. “We both know you love it.”

Maki scoffs and she opens her mouth to protest, but she looks at Nico, with her cold red nose and her warm red eyes, and she can't deny it. She _can't_.

Maki’s knows she has feelings for _Nico_ of all people - feelings that twist in her stomach like butterflies, feelings that make her more nervous than that first daunting step out onto a brightly lit stage ever could, tiring textbook teenage feelings that she always just assumed she'd grow out of.

But Nico’s brave and self-assured and (mostly) honest. She's always ready to tell the world exactly what she thinks. So if there was a chance - the smallest glimmer of something - if she had time in her insanely busy schedule to even consider it _,_ then surely, _surely,_ she’d say something.

“You’ve got snow in your hair,” Nico says.

Her gloves are soft against Maki's cheek as they brush away snowflakes. She’s distractingly nice to look at under the glow of the twinkling lights.

There's no one else around.

There never really has been anyone else but Nico.

It'd be so easy, Maki thinks, to lean closer and press her lips against Nico’s mouth or her cheek or the inside of her wrist, in some kind of desperate attempt to work out if she feels this too, to check if her pulse is also abnormally rapid, or if it's just thrumming, steady as ever, nothing out of the ordinary here.

Maki shifts the tiniest bit closer. Their knees bump together. Nico opens her mouth like she might say something and Maki’s holds her breath like it might mean something and then a car turns onto the street, headlights bright and jarring, and Maki has no choice but to break eye contact.

There's no way. Even supposing the ridiculous notion that Nico was somehow interested (highly unlikely) and available (even less likely) and actually in the same place as Maki for more than a couple of days (virtually impossible) there’s no way she could - she can't even _consider_ -

“My legs are going numb,” Maki says, hopping down from the wall. “Let’s head back. Get a hot chocolate to warm up or something?”

Nico’s breath is a cloud of hot air. Her phone illuminates her face with white light.

“Only half an hour until the last train. In this weather I definitely can’t afford to miss it.”

Maki looks up at the thick flakes of snow swirling around them. It’s definitely getting heavier, shifting towards that point where snow stops being magical and becomes a total nuisance.

“I’ll walk you to the station,” Maki says, and that's it, moment over.

Why does her mouth always say the exact opposite of what she wants?

***

“Well…” says Nico, when they’re hovering outside of the station “I guess we’re going in different directions…”

Nico's eyes widen as Maki taps her travelcard against the ticket barrier. She shrugs. A few more moments with Nico means way more than a couple of hundred yen ever could.

They stand close together on the busy platform. Maki hears the familiar jingle - _stand back, train approaching._

“This was really fun," Nico says. "Let's do it again soon, okay?”

Maki smiles. “Thanks for making time for us little people, even if we’re not idols anymore.”

“ _Please_. You’ll always be an idol to me. And if you ever change your mind about the whole medical genius thing, you know I’ll always have you as my backup dancer.”

“Tempting,” Maki says, flatly. The train draws into the station, already crammed full of people. “Whoa. I guess being so small will finally be useful.”

“I don’t even have time to tell you how rude that is so just like… imagine it or something!”

Nico presses so close that Maki’s damp frozen body starts to thaw, until she’s nothing but a rush of warmth and a steady dull ache.

“I’ll miss you,” Maki murmurs, so quietly that she's taken aback when Nico actually hears.

“I _always_ miss you,” Nico says, softly. Maki inhales sharply. “I miss everyone!” The train doors open. “Crap, I really have to go!”

Maki watches her comically squeeze her way on board. She finds a spot, crushed up in the doorway. Maki nods and turns to leave.

“Maki!” Nico yells out, and several people flinch at the sheer volume of her voice. Maki turns back. Nico grins. “Happy new year!”

Maki laughs and waves self-consciously.

The doors close.

The train pulls out of the station.

Maki just stands on the platform.

 

 

**2.**

It’s a warm day just after summer break, and Maki’s stuck in the library, translating a journal article on a groundbreaking neurosurgical procedure that the authors had selfishly only published in English, when her phone buzzes. She’s expecting something boring. Her heart flips at least seven times a row when she reads the name of the sender.

Maki blinks several times to check she’s read Nico’s name correctly, because they haven’t exactly spoken much recently. They’d both made a conscious effort after that night in the snow, and then there’d been clashing schedules and differing time zones and crazy amounts of work and all that other boring stuff that always seems to get in the way. Maki gets it. Nico’s busy. They both are. It’s not like they were ever even best friends to begin with.

Maki tugs out her earphones and reads the message three times over. It's a desperate and drawn-out story about how Nico’s nearby and she needs a favour and Maki’s the only one on the planet smart enough to help so please can they meet up, and by the way, she has coffee. (Heart emoji, eyes emoji, stupid ugly bunny kissy-face sticker.)

Maki sighs. It’s just so Nico to practically ignore someone for months and then suddenly call in a favour. But the first rule of med school is never turning down the offer of a caffeinated beverage, plus she’s been hunched over her laptop for way too long and regular breaks and exercise are essential for good health.

And it's not like she's been the greatest friend either.

Maki replies _okay_ before she can even think about (because if she thinks about it, she'll talk herself out of it) then she packs away her things in record time and allows herself a swift detour to the bathroom to check she’s looking good, not specifically because it’s Nico, but because she wouldn't want anyone to see her looking anything other than her best.

Nico’s waiting on the steps leading up to Maki’s apartment building with two takeaway coffee cups beside her, typing furiously on her phone.

Maki’s stomach flutters.

She clears her throat.

Nico breaks into a beam and bounces to her feet.

“Makkii! Nico's been waiting for you,” she says in that disgustingly cutesy voice that always comes off as more spine-chillingly terrifying than sweet.

It’s wrong and gross and it definitely doesn’t make Maki blush.

“Nico-chan,” Maki says. Despite her best intentions to play it cool, her voice comes out all breathy and soft. “Hi…”

Nico pushes a takeaway cup into Maki’s hand. Maki’s not sure what she's weaker to, the smell of coffee or Nico as she blinks up, all big eyes and fluttering lashes.

“Invite me inside?” she coos.

Maki's heart flips several times in succession.

Nico really is the worst.

***

Maki regrets her life choices the moment she has Nico in her apartment, leaning smugly against the beautiful mahogany upright piano she'd convinced her parents to buy her as a treat for being top of her class a few semesters ago.

“It was a gift,” Maki explains. “I don't play it that much. I’m used to a grand piano.”

Nico hums at exactly the right pitch to grate on Maki’s nerves and imply she's being dishonest all at once.

“So, uhhh, what’s new? Why did you drop by?”

“To see your cute face, _duh,_ ” Nico says, like it's obvious. “Because Maki’s mean and she never posts new pictures and Nico misses it looking at it.”

“Ahhh” says Maki. “Well… it hasn’t changed much.”

“We’ve all missed you, you know. I still can’t believe you skipped out on your own birthday meet!”

“Sorry,” says Maki, twisting her hair. “My parents insisted on that trip to Europe. Thanks for calling though, even if it was the middle of the night... Timezones, huh?”

Nico chuckles. “You're so cranky when someone wakes you up.”

Maki laughs too, but it rings out a little nervous, a little manic. She settles down onto her piano stool because it's the most comforting place in the room (except for her bed, but it's not like she’s about to invite Nico to sit _there_ ). She gestures at a chair. Nico drops down onto it.

There’s a thick silence that lingers too long. Maki doesn’t like it one bit.

“So, I didn’t even know you were back yet,” Maki says. “How was the concert?”

Nico lights up. “Oh my god, _so_ good. Like, sure, I was an opening act, but there were so many people there to see Nico, and next time I’m definitely _definitely_ going to be the main event! What how about you? How’s life being a medical genius?”

“Ahhh, it’s... busy. My parents are having me train at the hospital and take extra classes, and of course I can handle it. It’s just kind of crazy, you know?”

“But you’re happy, right? It’s fun?”

Fun isn’t exactly the term Maki would use to describe it, but she is fulfilling the expectations of her family and shouldn’t that be good enough? It's not like she has the freedom to pursue anything else. It's not that she even really wants to.

“It’s fine,” Maki says. Nico squints. “I’m fine,” she adds, in what she hopes is a more convincing tone.

Nico narrows her eyes. “Honoka said you looked totally exhausted the last time you had lunch together.”

Maki raises her eyebrows.

“D-Don’t give me that look, it’s not like I’m checking up on you. Just, you know, making sure you’re not dead or whatever, since you clearly have no time in your busy schedule to ever check in with me.”

Maki winces. It’s so easy to keep up with the public trail of Nico’s quest to stardom, so easy to seeing a pictures of her and her family or her new friends or a stack of cute pancakes and forget that’s not the same as actually _talking._

But, of course, Maki doesn’t admit that. Instead, she mutters, “It’s not like you call much either,” and Nico glares, and Maki’s strikingly aware of how childish she must seem - resenting Nico for not getting in touch but being too cowardly to try herself.

She sighs and drags her fingers roughly through her hair.

“So, you wanted my help, right?” Maki says, forcing out her most civilised voice. “A favour?”

“Ohhhh,” Nico says, and just like that she’s flipped back into beaming idol mode. “Yeah, so - great news! I got a part in a movie.”

“Seriously? Nico-chan, that’s amazing.”

“Right?” Nico beams. “It’s only one scene, but I’m the singer at the wedding where the love interest is getting married to someone else and then the main character shows up and everyone’s all,” she gasps loudly, “And, you know, idols really have to be multi-talented these days, and my manager thinks it’ll be, like, a massive career boost and I’m certain that I can capture hearts with my talent and beauty so next time I'll be in the leading role-”

“And you wanted my help?” Maki asks, cutting her off firmly before she’s unstoppable.

“Yep! I need you to teach me how to play piano.”

“Okay...” says Maki, slowly. “Well I’m obviously not a qualified teacher, but I’m sure we could have a few lessons to cover the very basics-”

“Perfect! I don’t have much time so if you could just teach me everything you know today then that’d be great.”

She smiles winningly.

Maki blinks several times.

“You’re kidding, right?”

“I know, I know, it’s super hard, but Nico's a quick learner so don't worry about all that stuff.”

“Nico-chan, do you know how long it takes to master piano?” Maki asks, incredulously. “It takes years of practice and dedication, you can’t just show up and expect to learn everything in a couple of _days_.”

“Whoaaa,” Nico says, “Relax _,_ Maki. I don’t have to actually be able to play. I just have to _look_ like I can.”

“That makes no sense,” Maki says. “It’s offensive to people who have worked _hard_ to learn _-”_

“Yeah, yeah, it’s the worst,” Nico says, dismissively. “So you'll help me, right?”

Nico flutters her long, pretty eyelashes and smiles.

Maki sighs. “You’ll owe me.”

Nico launches off her chair and flings her arms around Maki, nuzzling her face against her like a content kitten.

“Anything you want. As many autographs as you can carry.”

“They could’ve just hired someone who could actually play,” Maki mutters.

Nico hums, nuzzling closer. “Maybe all the best piano playing idols are too busy pursuing medical careers.”

“Maybe I should make a comeback then,” Maki says. “Since you think I'd suit the role better.”

“Are you _kidding_?” Nico springs back into a classic hands on the hips I’ll-fight-you stance. “I’m gonna be the best non-piano-playing piano player the world has ever seen. My voice on the big screen is gonna sell at least billion copies of my album when it drops, just you wait-”

***

It’s not the worst afternoon Maki’s ever spent. She mostly plays piano, improvising effortlessly because she’ll never admit it but something about Nico just inspires her. Nico takes notes (and pictures, and videos, which sparks a long debate on the concept of personal space because she zooms in far too close). Maki also spends a reasonable amount of time correcting Nico’s form and moving her hands into more natural positions on the keys and insisting that no, it’s not possible to stand and perform a full dance routine whilst playing piano, and yes, Maki _is_ the expert actually and her word is final.

Nico is a quick learner, at the very least, and even if the thought of casting a piano player that doesn’t even play still abjectly offends everything that Maki believes in, she’s also certain that Nico probably deserves a break like this more than anyone in the whole world.

So Maki plays and Nico practices and then suddenly it’s hours later and they're full of snacks and stretched out on top of the covers of Maki's bed with her laptop balanced between them, watching whatever videos Nico dictates to be the most important must-see developments in the idol world, and the room is cosy and the lights are dim and everything’s kind of perfect.

And then Nico starts humming along and Maki glances over and she’s so soft and pretty in the fading glow of the sun shining in through window that Maki’s heart promptly stops and her stomach twists and her whole body aches, so much that she can barely concentrate on the offensively low-quality recording of the five idols performing their perfectly-choreographed routine.

She’s had months to dwell on this. Months to write multiple pros and cons lists and to draft out an apology letter to the rest of µ's for destroying their dynamic on the tragic occasion that Nico finds out about said pros and cons list and inevitably refuses to be in the same room as Maki again. She's had several mortifying conversations with Rin and Hanayo, where they’d disagreed that no, being (hypothetically) honest with your (hypothetical) feelings doesn’t always lead to disastrous results, and then they’d shared a sickening doe-eyed gaze to confirm that sometimes, things just work out perfectly.

She’d also thrown herself into her studies, toured Europe with her family, took on an internship at a medical lab and gone to several dreadful meetups her parents had arranged with useful ‘contacts’ who had all turned out to be single, handsome young men. She’d even gone for more than one coffee with a pretty girl from one of her classes who had turned out to be an ex-school idol too and overtly obvious about where her interests lie.

And despite all that, despite the fact that she'd lacked the time to even _think_ about Nico, she’d still woken up one morning and stared up at her modest chandelier with a dull ache in pit of her stomach and the fading memory of a dream she’d rather die than repeat to anyone, and she'd concluded, with a much determination as she could muster first thing on a morning, that enough was enough, and the next time she saw Nico she’d just be _honest._

But now she’s faced with the reality of Nico on her bed, jumping in a cab to the airport and booking a first class flight to literally anywhere seems so much more preferable _._ Right now, Maki would much prefer allowing one of her university friends the opportunity to practice some advanced medical procedure on her to _honesty._ (Ideally something with a long recovery period - an amputation maybe? Maki’s a healthy girl, she’ll get over it - though, come to think of it, her parents would be angry if she had anything less than a perfect attendance record, so maybe something less severe? A mild virus, maybe. Yep, that would work out just fine.)

Maki’s just about dragged out an actual chunk of her hair when Nico stops humming and turns to face her.

“What’s wrong?” she asks. “You're all weird and twitchy. Are you hungry? Is it cramps?”

Maki takes a breath. She sits up to pause the video and shuts the laptop.

“Hey! There were still at least eleven and a half minutes left of that one!”

“Nico-chan,” Maki says, slowly. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about…”

She takes a breath. There's no good way to say it. Maki's almost tempted to walk over to the piano and just _sing_ it, but knowing Nico, she’d probably try record it and market it as a hit single and that’d just be beyond embarrassing.

Nico rolls onto her side, pale legs in long socks stretched out across the bed. She looks uncharacteristically sweet, with her wide eyes and her hair spread behind her on the pillow.

“My bra size is top secret,” Nico winks. “But other than that, ask away.”

Maki sighs and flops onto her front so her face is pressed into her pillow.

“I’m trying to be serious,” Maki says in a muffled voice.

“Yeah, I didn’t catch any of that.”

Nico prods her shoulder several times. Maki just grunts in response.

“Okay,” she hears Nico sigh, “You don’t have to ask. I’ll do it. I’ll autograph your piano.”

Maki gasps and rolls over. “Don't touch my piano.”

“Honestly, it’s no trouble at all. You have a permanent marker, right?”

Maki launches at Nico and grabs both her arms before she can even _pretend_ to deface her not-grand-but-still-beautiful piano. There’s a giggle and a shove and then Maki’s on her back somehow and Nico’s leaning right over her with twinkling eyes and long hair that falls forward and tickles her shoulders, and Maki can’t think anything else except _oh_ and _god._

“Maki's all red,” Nico teases. “Blinded by Nico's shimmering star quality?”

“No,” Maki says, with a firm nudge of her hips. “I'm just warm because you're too close.”

“There’s no need to be embarrassed. Good friends do this stuff all the time. You know, have sleepovers and lie around in bed drinking wine and watching movies in their underwear-”

If Maki’s face was red before, it’s quite possible she's actually on fire now, because her heart starts racing in full-force at the word ‘underwear’, though it’s not a term she’d find particularly arousing by itself, but of course, arousing is completely the wrong word because it’s not like she - no, why would she even _think_ -

Maki detaches herself from Nico’s grasp with a firm nudge and a shuffles to the safety of the other side of her bed. She hates Nico for teasing her when she doesn't mean anything by it.

She hates herself more for craving it.

“Nozomi and Eli do that stuff all the time, you know?” Nico smiles, sweetly. “And they're like a shining example of close friendship, right?”

Maki’s throat feels dry as her brain begins a loop of terrible thoughts - some tragically embarrassing scenario where Maki winks and drags off her shirt and opens a bottle of wine and makes some teasing comment about what good friends they are now and no - _no -_ that’s far too hideously embarrassing to even imagine.

“I suppose you don’t have time to be all cosy with your cute friends,” Nico says, and god, is she _still_ talking? “I mean, since you’re dating now.”

“Dating?” Maki splutters. “Who said anything about dating?”

“News travels fast on the μ’s rumour mill, you know,” Nico sing-songs.

“Well, it’s not true,” Maki huffs. “My parents keep trying to set me up with rich boys but there's no way that's gonna happen-”

Nico crinkles her nose. “Boys _,_ huh? That's not what I heard but, whoever it is, invite me to the wedding, okay? I promise I’ll try not to upstage you too much.”

“It’s not going to happen,” Maki says, sharply. “Can you drop it?”

Nico hums. “Now, now, Maki-chan. Don't get embarrassed. You have to be open minded about these things.”

“Who made you the expert?”

“Please. Everyone knows Nico-ni is descended from the goddess of love herself, sent to this world to be adored and-”

“Right,” Maki says. “Got it.”

“Just... get out there,” Nico nudges her arm. “Anyone would be lucky to have you. You're perfect.”

Maki waits for it, for the _not at perfect as Nico_ or a follow up remark about how nice Maki would be if only she fixed her entire personality. She waits for it, but it never comes, and Maki doesn’t know what that means _._

Maki rolls onto her side so they’re facing each other, gaze locked so it’s hard to breathe, and it's all weird and tense, like there's an electric fence between them, like she'll surely get shocked if she moves too close.

“You really have grown up,” is all Maki can say.

Nico’s cheeks flush pink.

“I-I just thought it goes without saying that Nico’s the most perfect-”

“Don't,” Maki says, yawning.

And by some weird miracle, Nico stops talking. Maki closes her eyes, just for a moment, and wonders how it's possible to feel so on edge around someone, but so weirdly relaxed at the same time. Maki closes her eyes, just for a moment, and all she can hear is Nico's voice in her mind - _you're perfect, you're perfect, you’re perfect._

_***_

Maki wakes up to the sound of her phone buzzing. When she opens her eyes groggily, it's still dark. She groans and reaches out to make it stop, but when she picks it up, it's not making any sound. She frowns.

She hears movement beside her and a cute little confused grumble and _then_ she remembers. Nico’s face illuminates with the harsh glow of her phone. The buzzing stops. Nico gasps and bolts upright.

“It’s almost midnight,” she hisses.

Maki groans and reaches over to switch on her bedside lamp. She squints open her eyes and Nico's right there in her bed with messy hair and smudged makeup. She's cute, _really_ cute.

“We fell asleep,” Maki says, stretching.

“Yeah,” Nico says, “And I need to go, like, now. The last train-”

“Just stay over. I don't mind.” Maki’s voice comes out all slow and thick with sleep.

Nico’s is the opposite, all fast and panicked. “I totally would but I’m travelling out for this shoot tomorrow and I haven’t even picked out my outfits yet-”

Nico's already out of bed, combing her hair and rubbing at the mascara smudged under her eyes. Maki stretches again, forcing herself to sit up. She hears rain hammering against the window.

“I can call a taxi. Isn’t that more appropriate for the number one idol in the universe anyway?”

Nico's moving way too fast, scrambling around the room for her stuff.

“I may be an up and coming super idol movie star, but do you know how much it costs to live alone _and_ maintain such a fashionable look? I’m not paying for a fifty minute cab ride when there’s perfectly good transport available. And don’t give me that look, I don’t need your rich girl pity. I'll be earning way more than you soon enough.”

“I’ll pay,” Maki offers, weakly.

“No. I still owe you for that shirt. I’m not planning on spending the rest of my life in debt to you.”

Maki rolls her eyes. “If you’d just stop being stubborn for like a second-”

“Get up and walk me to the station,” Nico says, sharply. “And lend me an umbrella too.”

Maki sighs and gets reluctantly out of bed. What choice does she have but to agree?

***

Maki taps in through the barrier again.

Nico twists the strap of her tiny bag around her fingers as they stand quietly on the platform.

“I can't believe we fell asleep,” she mutters under her breath, for what must be the eighth time. “Stupid comfy rich girl bed.”

Maki just rolls her eyes. She’s still kind of pissed that she'd jumped out of bed and rushed all the way down to the station in the rain, only to find that there’s a fifteen minute wait until Nico’s train anyway. She yawns again.

“Oh, will you stop?” Nico snaps. “I know I woke you up but you don’t have to be all mopey and dramatic.”

“I just _yawned_ ,” Maki says, defensively.

Nico sighs and leans forward impatiently, looking for the lights of the train in the distance.

“This was fun,” Maki says, quietly.

Nico leans back and exhales and relaxes, just a bit. “It was, wasn’t it? Nozomi said they’re working on the date for the next meet so hopefully I’ll have time to grace you all with my wonderful presence then!”

Maki smiles. “Sure. I want to hear all about the movie.”

A smug smile tugs at the edges of Nico’s lips.

“What?” Maki asks, fingers tightening around the handle of the umbrella they’d shared on the walk to the station.

“I was just thinking that you’re weirdly straightforward today. I like it. It’s cute.”

There's a loud voice announcing that the train will be approaching the platform soon that cuts Maki off before she can protest that she’s just the same as always.

“I-I’ll try be better this time,” Maki says, since apparently she's so straightforward now. “At keeping in touch. I know it’s not something I’m particularly good at but-”

“You _are_ kind of terrible. But... I get it, you're the great Nishikino prodigy, and µ's is forever, right? We’ll always be there. Even if we can’t talk all the time, I know you love me.”

It's just standard smug Nico, the kind of statement Maki should react to with a look of disgust and a scoff, but for some reason she freezes. For some stupid reason, the best she can manage is a mildly panicked expression and strangled noise in the back of her throat.

The smug smile falters from Nico’s face. She nudges Maki’s arm as the station jingle sounds again. “Hey, we’re on limited time here, so here’s your chance to tell me I’m annoying or whatever.”

Maki bites her lip. Her heart thuds helplessly against her chest.

“I mean, yes, it's offensive, but you’re not Maki unless you get all embarrassed and make a fuss and you being quiet like this is kinda weirding me out so… just deny it already and say goodbye and everything will be normal, right?” Nico’s voice is a high pitch squeak. “Right?”

Maki feels a rush of nausea. She feels all the selfish reckless words she shouldn't say in her throat and she tries to hold them in but -

“I can’t,” she says, barely louder than a whisper.

“Yes, you can,” Nico says, panicked. “Come on, it’s easy. Just be all, _ugh, who’d love you,_ even though we both know that you’re actually just completely jealous of me and-” She shoots Maki a desperate look. “And-”

“It makes no sense,” Maki says, in a small voice. “We barely see each other. We’ve always clashed. We were never even _that_ close in the first place…”

Nico takes a step closer. “W-What are you saying?” she whispers.

“I miss you,” Maki says, her voice trembling. “All the time, in stupid ways… I miss you so much. I-”

Maki feels a cold rush of air as the train speeds into the platform. Nico looks so startled and Maki's ruined everything and she has terrible timing and, god, even the song would’ve been less embarrassing than this -

“Maki,” Nico says, with a helpless glance at her train, “ _Don't._ I - I can’t... not now...”

Maki's heart sinks and every little thing she wanted to say fizzes and dissolves on her tongue.

“You have to go,” Maki says, twisting her hair round and round her fingers. “It’s fine. Forget I even said anything. I’m just being weird so just.. forget it, okay?”

She takes one last look at Nico with her wide eyes and her brows all crinkled up in confusion, and she stutters out an apology and pushes through the crowd. She doesn’t look back, even when Nico calls out her name.

She keeps it together as she makes her way home, the rain splashing down onto her umbrella, headphones pressed tightly in her ears. She keeps it together until she’s leaning against the closed door of her apartment and then she promptly falls apart, her whole body shaking because she’s so stupid and selfish and she’s ruined _everything_.

Maki doesn't mean to cry. But she never meant to fall in love either.

 

 

**1.**

“You could've waited inside, you know.”

Maki glances up from her book to find that Nico has finally emerged from the back door of the dance studio, fully undercover in the most ridiculous pair of sunglasses that Maki’s ever seen, even though the sun has already faded to a golden glow. Maki’s stomach drops. She feels a rush of nausea. Her heart predictably elevates to at least four times its normal resting rate.

She’s had enough time to psych herself up for this, but she still feels horribly unprepared.

She resists the urge to leap up, so it’s clear that she’s been perfectly content sitting on a wall outside alone, that the brisk autumn breeze has been been refreshing rather than chilling, and that even if she has been checking her phone in trembling horror approximately every thirty seconds, that's not a relevant fact that needs to be brought to Nico's attention.

Nico takes a step closer.

“I would've given you a personalised autograph and everything.”

Maki’s had over a year to figure out the right thing to say Nico at their first face-to-face contact after the train station incident. She’s had more than enough time to draft out an explanation, an apology, _anything._

She’s had more than enough time, yet the first thing she does is crinkle of her nose in disgust and say, “I don't want one. Keep it.”

“You're act tough, but I know you've been waiting here for at least twenty minutes.”

“Because you’re late,” says Maki, snapping her book shut. “By the time we get there, we’ll probably have missed half of the movie-”

“Sorry, sorry. I tried to get out on time, but you know how it is...”

Maki sighs. “If we miss the start-”

“Don’t worry, I've seen it before!”

“Well I haven't,” Maki grumbles.

Nico extends her hand.

“Come on,” she says, in an annoying baby voice, like she's trying to win over a grumpy child.

Maki hesitates for approximately half a second before she reaches out and takes it. She feels that familiar rush of heat, that predictable tingle in her stomach. She’s had over a year to get over this, and yet her whole body still betrays her.

There’s a brief moment where they just look at each other and it’s weird and wrong and so _so_ obvious that they should talk about things like adults before everything erupts to the surface.

But Maki came here with a single objective, and that involves watching a movie and saying little more than a wholesome and platonic congratulations when it's all over.

“Let's go,” Maki says, “Before we actually do miss it.”

It may have been a year, but Maki can still recognise Nico's big fake smile when she sees it.

***

Nico doesn't even take her sunglasses off until they're sitting on the back row of a reasonably empty movie theatre, just three minutes before the scheduled start time.

Maki drums her fingers on the armrest. This wasn’t how it was meant to be. It was meant to be all of them. That was the plan - for the nine of them to meet and watch Nico’s movie together and shed proud tears at her four and a half minutes of screen-time before going out for dinner after.

And then, over the last few days, Maki had watched in confused horror as, one by one, each member of μ’s had sent grovelling apologies to the group chat about not being able to make it until, conveniently and suspiciously, it was just the two of them left.

When Maki had demanded that Rin explain what was going on, she’d only received a lecture on how Nico needs their support and, yes, things are awkward between them, but Maki’s their last hope!! and when Maki had pressed further about the ‘terrible cold _’_ that was causing her to cancel plans _four_ days in advance, Rin had only sent cat stickers in response.

So that's how Maki has ended up sitting in the dark alone beside the person who she'd kind of confessed to at the worst possible moment the last time they were alone together, the person who'd rejected her so fast that even now she can still feel the raw sting of it, the person whose calls Maki's been dodging because thinking about talking about that night makes her promptly want to _die._

And now they're watching a romantic movie and apparently going out to dinner after and Maki’s pretty sure that Nico actively hates her (or at least she _should_ ). Maki may be too grown up for that whole lingering high school crush thing now (her trembling nerves are probably nothing more than side effects from the traumatic social embarrassment of their last meet up) but that doesn't mean she's overjoyed about the situation she's found herself in.

Maki slouches down in her seat. Nico sits up straighter.

“It’s starting,” she whispers.

The first scene opens with a whimsical shot of the main actress stretching daintily and climbing out of bed with perfect hair and a full face of makeup. Maki resists rolling her eyes, but only out of respect for Nico.

Nico puts her arm on Maki's and leans in close. “That's not her real hair,” she stage whispers. “It's a wig.”

The middle aged lady in front of them turns around to glare.

Maki shoots Nico a look. Nico leans back in her seat.

Maki sips her drink and attempts to focus. She's doing a perfectly good job and then Nico’s arm bumps against hers and Maki’s skin heats up, just from the sharp pointed jab of Nico’s _elbow_ , as though it's the most exciting tactile stimulation she's received in years.

Maki takes a deep and shaky breath.

She’s moved on. She's definitely over it. It's just nerves.

The movie suffers from budget constraints and the musical score is a little bland and the plot where the kind-hearted woman in her twenties pines for her childhood friend who’s engaged to someone else is entirely predictable, yet Maki finds herself enjoying it anyway. She feels the anticipation building, even in the most mundane of scenes, because at every mention of the word wedding, she thinks of Nico.

Maki’s pretty sure Nico’s on edge too, if the amount of fidgeting is anything to judge by. Nico has entered Maki’s personal space _at least_ five times now - elbows bumping and arms pressed together, a gentle foot nudging against her shin and a hand that strays just a little far past the barrier of the armrest. Maki tries her best to brush it off like a regularly functioning platonic friend would.

She tries and then the attractive love interest walks the main actress to her door, the night before his wedding to the entirely wrong woman, and there's a long lingering lean in that makes Maki's heart speed up and at that exact moment Nico’s leg slides over and presses all the way against Maki’s, and Maki can feel the heat of her bare thigh and it has to be on purpose. It _has_ to be and it's so unfair, but Maki doesn’t shift away this time, she just presses her leg back hard until she can't breathe and she's about to escape to the bathroom and maybe hyperventilate mildly when Nico hits her arm multiple times as the shot changes to the first scene of the wrong woman in her wedding gown.

Maki’s fully expecting Nico to appear on the screen, but it still kind of shocks her when she's there in a soft pretty dress, her dark curled hair and her bright red eyes a sharp contrast against the pure white grand piano.

“That's a nicer piano than mine,” Maki whispers.

Nico shushes her. Maki holds her breath as the camera zooms in and Nico starts to sing. The guests take their seats. It's a beautiful outdoor wedding and they've clearly spent a generous amount of their budget on flowers, and Maki can't decide what she'd rather look at - Nico in an actual movie, pulling off the fake piano playing with a softness to her voice that Maki can’t remember ever hearing before, or Nico beside her with bright shining eyes, mouthing along the words to the song.

The wrong bride enters, smug and harsh and all wrong. Nico stops singing. The ceremony starts.

The real Nico turns to Maki and grins, so wide and bright and beautiful that she lights up the room in the dark. Maki beams back and a rush of warmth and pride swells in her chest. Nico takes Maki's hand and draws her in and then she’s dangerously close and far too pretty, and Maki _k_ _nows_ what's going to happen and before it registers in her mind, before she can try to stop it, she’s kissing Nico in the dark back row of the theatre.

Maki feels a rush of heat and a soft exhale of breath against her lips and then an ice cold chill of panic. She hears a loud gasp and she springs back and it takes her a moment to realise that it’s not the middle aged woman in front of them protesting to her apparently uncontrollable gay desires, but the on-screen wedding guests reacting to the ceremony being interrupted. Maki turns back to Nico. Her eyes are impossibly wide.

“Sorry,” Maki splutters out, so loud that several people turn to look. “I’m really-”

The lady in front turns back to glare. Maki just about _dies_.

She leaps to her feet and dashes down the stairs and out through the doors, only narrowly avoiding a head first collision with a child carrying an excessively large bucket of popcorn. She doesn't stop until she's outside, leaning forward in the fresh air and gasping for breath because that certainly was not part of the plan and she can’t believe that she just -

“It's a good job my scene was over,” she hears Nico say. “I never would've forgiven you if you'd walked out during my performance.”

Maki looks up. Nico’s voice is harsh, but her cheeks are pink. Her arms are folded tightly, but her hands are shaking.

“I’m sorry,” Maki splutters out, “You don't want this. I- I don't know why _-_ ”

“You like me,” Nico says, and it's a forceful, an accusation, so loud that two fashionable young girls stop walking to glance over curiously. One stares pointedly at Nico. She smiles a big false grin and waves, then pulls her sunglasses from her bag.

“Come with me,” she hisses, sliding on the glasses though it’s already dark.

She takes Maki’s hand and she tugs and then suddenly it's seven and a half minutes later and they're riding an elevator up to the fourth floor to find their karaoke room and Maki doesn't know _why_. She really hopes they're not going to settle this with a karaoke score challenge because, no offence, but Maki would win and wouldn't that just make Nico more angry?

“I don't really feel like singing,” Maki says, weakly.

It's the second time she's voiced this concern. Nico just shushes her and stares forcefully ahead.

Maki steps cautiously into their room. The lights are already dimmed. She hears the people next door singing off key and white noise from the microphones and the door click closed and then nothing but the blood rushing to her head and her bag slipping off her shoulder as Nico nudges her back against the wall and kisses her hard on the mouth, all clumsy and fierce.

She’s completely stunned for a good few seconds, and then her brain processes _kissing_ and _Nico_ and her whole body heats up and trembles all at once. It takes Maki a long moment to realise she’s allowed to kiss back, and another to realise that her hands exist, but she's soon able to demonstrate considerable dexterity, fingers brushing low on that soft spot on Nico’s waist that she’s always kind of wanted to touch. Nico makes a soft sound that Maki _feels_ more than hears and Maki’s just about acknowledging that this is _actually happening_ and then Nico's stepping back just in time to smile winningly at a young man in a waistcoat who enters with their obligatory drinks order. Nico hums and starts to queue up songs as their drinks are placed neatly on the table and then the door clicks closed and the man’s gone and Nico’s on her feet and all up in Maki's personal space again, nudging her back until she hits the wall -

“W-Wait a minute-” Maki stops her with a firm press of hands on her shoulders. “I don't understand _-”_

Nico takes a step back and shrugs, as nonchalant as someone who’s blushing and a little bit breathless can be. “Karaoke was the closest place I could think of where we could talk in private. My place is kind of far, you see.”

“Okay...” Maki says slowly, and with the two rooms on either side of them performing loud and painful renditions of popular songs, she can't exactly disagree with that logic. “I guess that makes sense but,” she feels her cheeks get hotter, “That’s not the part I had trouble with?”

“Oh,” Nico says, with an embarrassed little glance to the side. “ _That_. You started it. Personally I’d have waited until the end of a date, but that's just me. I'm kind of traditional.”

“D-Date?”

“ _Please._ Two painfully attractive individuals watching a romantic movie and going for dinner? What else could this be?”

Maki pauses. “A group meet?”

“Bzzzzt. Wrong. I mean unless everyone else is just hiding?” Nico makes a show of looking around. “Nozomi? Honoka?”

Maki huffs and sinks onto the tacky red sofa. “You’re making fun of me. I can't believe you're making fun of me.”

“Do you know why they’re not here, Maki? Do you know why everyone’s missing out on the chance to spend time with this priceless treasure?” There's a long pause. Maki just stares. Nico sighs in exasperation. “I asked them not to come.”

“You set this up...” Maki says, though it doesn't surprise her one bit. She can't think of any other circumstances where Nico would allow everyone to skip out on such a big moment.

Nico drops down beside her. _“Duh._ How else was I going to get you to meet me?”

Maki crosses her arms tightly across her chest and pouts. “Well, you could've had the decency to tell me.”

“You could’ve had the decency to, like, not avoid me. I had to do _something._ ”

Maki winces. She guesses that's a fair comment.

“Why now, though? I don't understand. It's been so long and things were perfectly fine and then you... you-”

Nico twists her hands together and hums thoughtfully. “I guess it was the movie? I took the kids to the premiere and it was completely amazing, then I got home and I,” her cheeks turn pinks. “Do you remember that song you wrote me for for my birthday? The first one after my graduation?”

Maki feels her cheeks heat up. “N-Not particularly. It was a long time ago,” though of course she does.  _Of course._

“I loved it. It was so hopeful. I listened to it so many times when I was first starting out, and... and anyway, I was thinking about you when I got home because of the whole piano thing and I listened to your song and I… I thought about how _stupid_ it was that we weren’t talking. And I knew we needed to fix this, for μ’s if nothing else.”

Maki shifts guiltily. “It’s been way too long since since we were all together.”

“Right? So I thought there'd be this nice little icebreaker and I'd wow you with my talent and we’d talk over dinner and I'd maybe casually try work out if you were still into this, and then we kind of... skipped a few steps. ”

She glances over to the doorway, and there's a moment of acknowledgement. They both start blushing like they're still in high school.

“Let me make things clear," Nico says. "It totally pisses me off the way you’ve ignored me. That’s just not acceptable.” Maki opens her mouth. “Wait. My turn. It pisses me off that I’m pissed off at you, because I’ve kind of been doing the exact same thing. But, like, you can’t just confess to someone as they’re getting on a train and then ignore them when they try to talk to you about it. Who does that?”

“I’m sorry,” Maki says, twisting her hair. “That was-”

“Talking,” Nico says, sternly. “It’s also not cool that I’ve been alternately flirting with you and avoiding you for years now and... I'm sorry about that. That wasn't fair.” She stops to take a shaky breath. “It's just like... we have these disgustingly incompatible schedules and all we’re good at is pushing each other away, but I still can’t let go of this idea that we’re maybe kind of perfect for each other.”

Maki’s heart starts to beat wildly.

“I mean, of course, there’s not many people who even come close to being as hot and talented as me, but-”

“Stop,” Maki says, quickly, holding up her hand before Nico gets carried away. “You - you say all that, but last time-”

She still feels the harsh sting of rejection if she thinksabout it. And Nico has the nerve to - after all this time she - 

“I'm sorry. I am. I-I should’ve reacted better, but I panicked, okay? You... surprised me. I’ve thought about it. What would’ve happened if I’d just stayed just a little longer and took your stupid cab money. If you’d picked up your phone and we’d talked about it.”

“Nico-chan," Maki says, "I’m sorry-”

“No more apologies” Nico says, sharply. “You were a stubborn, rich girl with a bad personality when I fell in love with you. It’s not like I’m expecting you to change now or anything.”

Maki blinks rapidly as a rush of relief swells in her chest. Nico loves her. _Nico loves her._

“This isn’t something I’m good at,” Maki says, softly. “And there’s so much that could go wrong… we disagree and we don’t talk, I’m busy and so are you. There’s my parents and my future and - and you’re an _idol,_ so what if we just hold each other back? Isn’t that why you... why last time...”

“I don’t think we could hold each other back if we tried. I mean, who works harder than us? We push each other, but that makes things happen. And, like, there’s been times I’ve really wanted to ask your opinion on something, because no one knows music like you do, but everything was all weird and… isn’t that worse? Isn’t that holding us back more? This stupid limbo where we’re just too scared to try?”

Maki takes a shaky breath.

“You’re right,” Maki’s fingers curl softly over Nico’s hand. She laughs softly. “I hate it when you’re right."

“Better get used to it,” Nico smiles smugly, “As the older and cuter one in this relationship, I’ll naturally be the source of wisdom.”

“Geez,” Maki says, “Of all the people I could’ve fallen in love with...”

The smug drops off Nico’s face and Maki watches as she’s slowly reduced to an adorable red-faced mess. It kind of makes Maki want to tease her more. She wants to see more of this side of Nico.

“I love you, Nico-chan,” Maki says, and she laughs, because it’s kind of euphoric rush of relief just to say it out loud after so long. "I love you."

Nico squeezes her hand and takes a soft little breath and leans in close, and Maki’s kind of taken aback by how pretty she is. They linger for a long moment, like time’s at a complete standstill, and this beautiful melody starts to form in Maki’s head, like they're the leading actors in some romantic movie and the soundtrack’s just kicked in. She wants to write it down, so she’ll never forget how it sounds. The urge to do so lessens when Nico’s lips are pressed against her mouth.

It's easier this time, easier to appreciate that Nico’s lips taste faintly of lipgloss, easier to relax and appreciate how soft her skin is when Maki’s fingers graze over her cheek. And yes, Maki’s heart does still feel like it might actually beat out of her chest though of course that's not physically possible, and yes, she makes a little sound that's desperate and embarrassing, but Nico makes a soft noise too, and Maki’s not sure she’s even heard anything _nicer_ and it's so sweet and gentle that Maki kind of wants to cry. Then Nico’s hand skims over her hip, a few daring fingers on the bare skin just under the hem of her shirt, and Maki feels heat low in her stomach and she thinks about all that stuff she’s tried _not_ to think about, at home all alone in the dark. It's kind of dangerous, the way Nico's teeth tug gently on her lip, the weight of her body when she climbs into Maki’s lap, and it’s so completely wrong to kiss like this  _here_ of all places, but she's waited so long, so just a little bit more, just a tiny closer -

They both jump as a horrifying screech fills the room. Maki realises it's coming from next door, a terrible attempt at a high note. They could really use her vocal coaching.

Nico’s head drops forward onto Maki’s shoulder and she lets out an ugly snort of laughter and Maki’s shoulders start to shake and then she’s laughing too until she can’t breathe at the sheer impossibility of this finally happening, on the tacky red sofa of a low-budget karaoke place.

“Let’s get out of here,” Maki says, nudging Nico gently off her lap. “Before we get arrested out for indecent behaviour or something.”

Nico pouts. “But I thought you were going to serenade me. I didn't even get to do my solo!”

“I’m sure we can fit a karaoke date in at some point in the future,” Maki says, and she’s already thinking of drawing up a schedule - a shared calendar, perhaps - something that’s going to make this realistically work.

“Speaking of dates, did you still wanna grab dinner? I already have a reservation. I was gonna wait until we cosied up by candlelight to talk, but someone clearly couldn’t control themself around Nico.”

Maki feels herself blush, but she lets that one slide. No need to dwell on past embarrassments when her lips are still tingling from Nico's kiss.

“By the way, Nico-chan...” Maki says. “Is it really not an issue? The whole idol thing?”

Nico hesitates. “It is still kind of completely against the rules but we’re both girls and I’m sure my adoring fans wouldn’t object to me having a super hot _friend_ , right? Besides... I kind of always enjoyed those rumours about us back in the day.”

“What rumours? There were rumours?”

Nico cackles and links their arms together. “Oh my god, have you never read an idol gossip blog? Geez, you're so pure, Maki. We’re gonna have to work on that.” She raises her eyebrows. Maki blushes harder. “Anyway, we better get going! I wouldn't want to miss the last train.”

Maki's face drops. She tugs her arm free.

“I’m kidding,” Nico laughs. “Geez, your face!”

Maki picks up her bag. ”I take everything back,” she says. “I don’t like you even one bit.”

She swings opens the door. Nico catches her hand before she can stride out towards the elevator and sulk.

“You've waited for me a long time, haven't you Maki?”

Maki’s face heats up.

“D-Don't make it sound like I've been spending all my time daydreaming about you like that girl in the movie. It's not like that at all …”

“Thank you,” Nico says, softly.

Maki shakes her head furiously and then her face crumples and she pulls Nico into a hug, at the exact same moment that a drunk man staggers past their room and stops to gawp at the minor celebrity hugging a girl who may or may not be crying in the doorway of a silent karaoke booth. He raises his beer and makes a noise of approval.

Maki grabs Nico’s hand. “We’re leaving,” she sniffs. “Right now.”

They walk out into the cold night air, but Maki’s heart feels light, like it’s the first breath of fresh air she’s had in years, and she wants to capture the warmth in her memory so she’ll remember it when they’re apart, wants to write down the way that sounds in her head - glimmering and iridescent, bright like the sun.

It defies every ounce of logic, but haven't they always been a recipe for disaster?

Maki knows with every certainty that she loves Nico, that nothing since μ’s has ever felt this _right._ She strides confidently out into the dark, though she has no idea where they’ll end up.

Nico misses the last train home.

**Author's Note:**

> i'd like to personally thank Maki's POV for making me suffer and anyone who suffered through this mess with me!!


End file.
